WHAT DID WE DO WRONG NOW?!

Sometimes The Internet gets drunk and says something stupid and you want to complain... or let us know how we're doing.








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Hype is Killing Everything We Love, and it Needs to Stop

This would have been more timely last week, but I’ve always felt that if something needs to be said, to just say it. Seriously folks your vote matters, please vote, don’t waste it, and if you truly say that both major candidates are equally terrible – go fuck yourself with a cactus.  With that in mind let’s talk about how some of the recent announcements last week (Namely Red Dead Redemption 2, Nintendo Switch, Breath of the Wild, etc) and how the internet has gone in a literal tizzy about this. If I’m honest though I have no idea why, because we’ve been down this road before.

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Can’t Pick Between Trump v. Clinton Because Both Are Shit? FUCK YOU.

Hey guys. I mentioned last week I was making a stew, and this was going to be a bit about the 3rd party candidates, but then Johnny Boy went and did that for me. I was going to therefore just write this article off and not do it. Then the 3rd debate happened, and something clicked off in my brain. Because there are still people who are saying that both options are equally terrible, and it’s really just deciding which knee the arrow goes into. I have a clear message to said people. Fuck you, you insolent piece of human garbage. Read more

Why Can’t We Have a Pure Democracy? (For Computer Operating Systems)

So there’s been a lot of shit about the election and how democracy has failed us with our current choices. Now trust me on this, I have been building a wad of shit to unload about how people have painted this. Like a good stew though I will let that simmer for a while. Now I want to talk about democracy, but in this case when it comes to our mobile and pc OS’s which effectively boils down to this question: Why the fuck do designers get to upend our lives on a fucken whim without our input?

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The Sad Truth About Humanity That Makes Me Feel Better

Turn on a news station, read some Facebook comments, or go further into the depths of the web and you’ll walk away with the conclusion that everything is a manure-filled hayride to the apocalypse. With deranged mass shooters, police violence against protesters, the state of an election where we hate both and hope for the candidate who can actually do the job of president. (#realtalk #nottrump) and the garbage-can fire that is 2016 seems to be growing stronger.

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How About You Leave Your Stupid Comments in Your Pockets?

Hey folks, yeah I know it’s Friday for this Tuesday column, but I’m switching the days around because I can, and so that you can read some quality shitposts at work on Friday when you take a long afternoon shit to close out the week – keep up I move fast. I had actually written an article about something that annoyed me in the ‘News’ but about halfway through I realized that unlike my other award-winning articles I really wasn’t providing a new perspective or offering a meaningful discussion – even through my usual crooked lens.

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From the land of the hipsters…it’s WWE Summerscam

 

What is usually billed as “The Biggest Party of the Summer” has become a party that if I got invited to it on Facebook I’d rsvp as a maybe to, just to not offend the person who invited me. Hear me out, Summerslam has a lot of hype and advertisement. I am not speaking poorly about it this year because I couldn’t get tickets. I’m honestly and truthfully saying that the card is fairly weak and is not a pay-per-view event that I would spend my rent money on to get tickets. A word of advice, don’t spend your rent money on wrestling tickets. The ending is never good. Read more

I Hope We Get Russian Bad Guys In Movies Again

So when you start noticing things like the fact that Russia kind of doesn’t have elected leaders, they’ve taken over two countries on our lifetime, and recent relations with Ukraine have been changing – the cold war is kind of heating up. (Admittedly it’s because Russia wants it as it made them feel good about themselves, whereas we don’t care anymore.)

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I’m Glad Harambe Died

So a little while back there was an incident at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden where a small boy climbed into the gorilla area. Since the gorilla proceeded to then drag the kid a bit the zoo keeper feared for the boy’s life, and shot the gorilla. This lead to a mass of sadness, claims of bad parenting (because I’m sure if we gave you a 3 year old in a zoo you’d be so perfect), and oddly a bunch of memes – because lolol internet. Now much like other stories this was sort of ignored shortly, but because of the way memes work – and the inherent racism of the internet the story persists.

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