WHAT DID WE DO WRONG NOW?!

Sometimes The Internet gets drunk and says something stupid and you want to complain... or let us know how we're doing.








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I Hope Nippon-Semai Notices Me and The Yearlong Detox

Hey guys and gals – so it’s been a year. Actually since I quit little more than a month or so before that article, and it’s about half a month after that posted it’s closer to 14 months. In the past 14 months, I’ve not watched a single anime. Not an old show, not a rerun on Cartoon Network, no single episode from any new season, and no movie. Now in the last post I made it clear that I wasn’t ‘quitting anime’ in some forsaken anti-nerd crusade – merely that I gave up on the broken institution that is a medium of work. So why haven’t I watched anything?

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The Sad Truth About Humanity That Makes Me Feel Better

Turn on a news station, read some Facebook comments, or go further into the depths of the web and you’ll walk away with the conclusion that everything is a manure-filled hayride to the apocalypse. With deranged mass shooters, police violence against protesters, the state of an election where we hate both and hope for the candidate who can actually do the job of president. (#realtalk #nottrump) and the garbage-can fire that is 2016 seems to be growing stronger.

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I Think It’s Finally Time To Safely Listen to Jonathan Coulton’s Still Alive From Portal

I know, I know. We are all aware of how this played out. First Valve drops Portal as almost an afterthought, 4 solid hours of gameplay and puzzle solving and the world is enamored. Suddenly cake jokes and portal gun jokes flood the internet, some as references some as original. Then the products came, and eventually the sequel with even more jokes and references about potatoes and lemons (guys I think the people at Valve need to eat), and so we arrive at today.

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How About You Leave Your Stupid Comments in Your Pockets?

Hey folks, yeah I know it’s Friday for this Tuesday column, but I’m switching the days around because I can, and so that you can read some quality shitposts at work on Friday when you take a long afternoon shit to close out the week – keep up I move fast. I had actually written an article about something that annoyed me in the ‘News’ but about halfway through I realized that unlike my other award-winning articles I really wasn’t providing a new perspective or offering a meaningful discussion – even through my usual crooked lens.

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I Hope We Get Russian Bad Guys In Movies Again

So when you start noticing things like the fact that Russia kind of doesn’t have elected leaders, they’ve taken over two countries on our lifetime, and recent relations with Ukraine have been changing – the cold war is kind of heating up. (Admittedly it’s because Russia wants it as it made them feel good about themselves, whereas we don’t care anymore.)

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I’m Glad Harambe Died

So a little while back there was an incident at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden where a small boy climbed into the gorilla area. Since the gorilla proceeded to then drag the kid a bit the zoo keeper feared for the boy’s life, and shot the gorilla. This lead to a mass of sadness, claims of bad parenting (because I’m sure if we gave you a 3 year old in a zoo you’d be so perfect), and oddly a bunch of memes – because lolol internet. Now much like other stories this was sort of ignored shortly, but because of the way memes work – and the inherent racism of the internet the story persists.

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Pokemon Go Has Shown Us How Dumb People Are (That Control the Market)

There’s been a lot of talk on websites and blogs less reputable than Nerdfit calling out all the stupid people who are playing Pokemon GO because people tend to forget that if almost everyone is doing something – there’s going to be some fucken morons in the mix. Let’s talk however about how people on Wall Street (as we’ve seen before) are not just lightly corrupt in some form – but also ludicrously stupid.

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Buffalo Lounge Reviews: Snack Bars from Amazon

Much like the critically-acclaimed Jerky reviews, I have dived once again into random Amazon snack boxes – this time with energy bars. I figured I could review all of them at once because it’d give me so much energy I could fight a salty character named Ted who needs to learn to PARK IN A STRAIGHT LINE TED. Sadly however the experience left me feeling disgusted and lethargic.

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The True Villains Behind Pokemon GO’s Server Issues (spoiler: It’s not Team Rocket)

Hey guys I’m back for a bit – let’s just say Norwegian lightgun-runners are an interesting bunch, but the hospitality thing takes it’s toll. Anyway It’s been a hectic few days for the Pokemon GO players – who are still dealing with issues from servers conking out at the worst time (NO I did not want to go the park and sit around, bring me more Pokemans). However like anything that motivates young people – there is a dark and sinister side here.

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