Battleblock Theatre Is For Jerks
Brandon sucks at Battleblock Theatre and Erik is an ass (aka THE BEST PLAYER EVER)
Sometimes The Internet gets drunk and says something stupid and you want to complain... or let us know how we're doing.
“I’m sorry Mario, but your anal princess is in another castle,” Peach said coquettishly as she bent over on her giant star-shaped bed. Fire flowers lay delicately on yellow silk sheets. She was running her hand gently up the back of one of her thighs, undoing a garter belt with a smooth, gloved hand.
Like so many times before he had rescued her from peril. And just like all those other times, she would reward him for his chivalry with her body and soul.
“Mama Mia!” Mario exclaimed, pushing the princess’ bright pink miniskirt over her ass, planting a firm plumber’s hand on her rear. He was a man of few words. A man of action.
You may have seen the little joke I had last week about EXPLOSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with a sequel that just added more ! points to the end. This joke I feel would be lost on most people so allow me to explain. See Japan has this thing where sometimes it will have anime anime that ends in an exclamation mark (which let’s be honest you barely have something that exciting go on, it’s a show about a cross dressing butler for god’s sake).
I finally maxed out my Titan in Destiny. That’s right—level 20 bitches!
I know what you’re thinking.
“The game’s been out for a month— I got to level 20 after a week. What a fucking noob.”
Look asshole. I’m not a smelly basement-dwelling dicksmoke like you who plays video games all day with the scent of vagina absent from his lips, fingers, and balls. Sure, compared to you I’m a noob.
So I’ve noticed there’s no posts on Sunday, and I figured – well we’re Nerdfit. We can at least be better than the United States Postal Service right? So I then endeavored to fill this void and bring Nerdfit’s ranking just a bit higher. I tried to use my old wheelhouse in writing Anime. 2 Weeks Later after waking up from a drunken stupor I realized it wasn’t possible to talk more about anime without succumbing to the darkness. So then what’s a game major alumnus to talk about (yes I quickly realized it was about games.) However I felt that doing a review of games like my compatriots here would be rude, and besides I rarely play games in anything but a sporadic cycle so that was out.
I realized then it was time to reach back to my old journalism classes, and really hit the books – which are game manuals, and threads, and the dark corners of the internet. What I’ve found has shocked me to my core, and I’ve detailed out some of it below.
There’s a common thread among the anime weebs that anime is this amazing, adult-oriented, not-a-kids medium of awesomeness, and that anything that’s a filthy American casual trying to copy it whether it be American-based mangas or Avatar and Korra is a load of crap. It’s a general sense that ‘unless it comes from Japan it’s can’t be anime, and is therefore shit.’
So this week we discuss Databases. Some of them are cool, some of them have no fucken plot except that shit they bullshitted into 2 fucken episodes rushed in the first arc only to fuck about for the 2nd arc and then do a second season ignoring all that shit in favor of a fucken loli butt. In other words a really shitty database.
WOOO BILLY, ONE OF OUR FAVORITE CONVENTIONS IS COMING UP AND WE GOT A LONG LIST OF CRAP TO DO
So Log Horizon should be coming back for a new season any day now, and I’ve been thinking about why that is something I am actually looking forward too, if only a little. I mean it could be easy enough to say that now that Sword Art Online has moved passed the major issue of being strapped into a game with real life and death consequences, and is focusing more on the backsides of females that I want a story about mmo’s that mean something.